Selflessness
by bluexxxcarnation
Summary: Despite everything I could've possible done, I still wouldn't be good enough, not in his eyes, not in her eyes, and especially not in my eyes. So where's my prince that's supposed to tell me otherwise? With my best friend. AU Three-shot/rewritten/revised
1. Selflessness: Sakura

A/N: This was my first one-shot that turned into a three shot! And oh, the angst!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.

Enjoy!

**Warning: character death and there is mention of self infliction!**

(Edited: 8/15/12)

* * *

Selflessness

_What many of us don't have, but wish we did._

Hello, my name is Haruno Sakura. I am twenty-four and this is my story.

I'm an orphan. My parents died in a car accident when I was six. I was completely devastated.

I had no other relatives, no friends, no hope, and to top it off I had an abnormally large forehead and pink hair. The other children would always make fun of me and wouldn't let me play with them.

I remained at the orphanage for only a short time before I was sent to a boarding school. I was eager for knowledge and for the chance to make friends. That was when I met Karin.

Karin… oh, I wished that I had her confidence. She was never afraid to speak her mind. Her posture spoke of her certainty in everything that she did. I envied her beauty and her ability to make new friends. Everyone loved her. Every boy looked her way, every girl longed to be her friend, but somehow she chose me from the crowd.

Even to this day I still can't comprehend why she chose to befriend someone like me. An outcast.

XxXx

_"What is a freak like you doing here?" an older girl had asked as she towards over me her eyes haughty. _

_I could only twist and twine my stubby little fingers in the material of my dress as they continued to mock and tease me. _

'Why? What have I ever done to them? Why am I so different?'

"_Please stop. I just came here to learn," I said so quietly that they almost missed my words. They only laughed in response. _

"_Aww the little pink freak can't talk. You know, I think the name "Forehead" suits you better." Another burst of laughter. I clenched my eyes as tears feel glided down my cheeks. _

"_Ha! She's crying! What a baby," another laughed. _

"_Leave me alone!" This did nothing to stop them. One girl pushed me until I fell on my behind. _

"_See you can't even stand on your own two feet. You're nothing, you're weak," she laughed as she stared me down._

'She's right. I am nothing. I am weak.'

"_Hey! __Leave her alone!" screamed a new voice, "See they're the ones!" I could only assume she brought an adult._

"_You girls go to the office now!" an older voice scolded. ._

_My tears continued to fall. From my position on the ground, I hugged my knees and let my bangs fall to cover my eyes. I just wanted to disappear. _

_A finger gently poked my head. This action caused my head to shoot up. I was greeted by a pair of red eyes that looked curiously at me through framed glasses. She had cropped red hair that barely reached passed her shoulders. _

_She smiled kindly at me that left me taken back. No one my age ever smiled at me like that. _"_Hi!" she chirped. When I said nothing her smile began to falter. _

"_Um…" she looked thoughtful, "__What's your name?"__**'**_

"_S-Sakura," I said as I sniffled. She giggled softly. Her laugh was so different from the mocking ones earlier. _

"_My name is Karin. You're new, right?" I nodded. She stood up and I watched her warily. The next thing I know she had extended her hand to me. I could only stare at her hand in shock. _"_Take it. I want to be your friend."_

_I let out a soft gasp at her words. She wanted to be friends? With me? _

_Slowly, unsure, I gently placed my hand in hers and immediately she pulled me to my feet. "You have very pretty eyes." _

_A blush crawled to my cheeks. No one's ever complimented me._

"_Arigato," I said looking towards the ground._

"_Hey," she said softly. I glanced back up at her, "Smile."_

_And for some reason I did. _

XxXx

Karin taught me to be more confident in myself. She always told me that I only looked as strong as I felt and at the time, I didn't feel strong at all. The teasing ceased minutely, but it never stopped.

XxXx

_"Hey, Forehead girl," some said in a mocking tone. Hugging my books to my chest I turned towards the blonde who had called me. I was faced with the cerulean eyes of Ino. Classes were over and I was on my way back to my room, who I shared with Karin. _

_I had attended the boarding school for about two years already. In the summer I would return to the orphanage, mainly because I didn't have anywhere else to go and in case someone wanted to adopt me. After befriending Karin, I learned that she was also an orphan. _

_Ino continued on, a smirk on her lips, "Did Karin finally dump your sorry butt? This is the first time I've seen you without her. Did she get tired of looking at your ugly forehead?" _

_The back of my neck and cheeks burned in embarrassment and anger. "Leave me alone, pig," my fury allowed me to power through the sentence without stuttering. _

_Her eyes narrowed. "What did you call me?" _

_At that moment, Karin had walked by and she didn't appear to have seen me. This reminded me that Karin wasn't going to help me out of every situation and that I needed to stick up for myself. _

"_You heard me… Barbie," with that I turned on my heel and walked off, not faltering in step at the sound of her indignant scream. _

"_I'll get you Sakura!"_

XxXx

Never had I felt so confident.

But Karin began to drift from me. I began to see her less and less. I had to wonder what was going wrong. Had I done something to push her away?

We were ten years old when I almost lost all semblance of our friendship.

XxXx

"_Hey Sakura?" _

_I looked up from my sandwich. "Yes?"_

_She wasn't looking at me, but was fiddling with the straw of her drink. _

_After a moment, her eyes glanced up at me. _"_I know you like him," she finally said._

_I blinked. "Who are you talking about?"_

_Her eyes narrowed. "You know who I'm talking about. Daichi. I can see the way you look at him during music class."_

_The accusation in her voice left me defensive. "So? What if I do?"_

"_Stay away from him. He's mine."_

_This shocked me. Karin had never spoken to me that way, but I didn't back down. I didn't appreciate the way she claimed him._

"_Why should I?"_

"_Because he would never even look at you."_

_I froze, my eyes widening. Despite the irritation I felt just moments ago, it was all wiped away with her harsh words._

_My head lowered back towards my lunch as I tried to hide the hurt I felt. I spoke again, but more quietly, "What makes you so special?" _

_There was no response for a moment, until she scoffed. _

"_I'm better than you in every way." And then she grabbed all her things and walked away._

_I remained sitting my eyes beginning to burn with sensation I was very familiar with. Why would she say that to me? My hands clenched together tightly. But it was true, wasn't it? Why didn't I just tell her she could have Daichi. _

_I could only sit there and wonder if maybe I was being selfish._

_XxXx_

I sometimes find myself thinking back on that day with the same question in my mind.

Was it worth it? Was fighting over a boy every worth it?

I couldn't stand the thought of losing her as my friend so I apologized to her.

But the thought of her being selfish never crossed my mind.

XxXx

_The walk back to my room was cold. It was winter now and snowflakes continued to fall around me. A small smile made its way to my face. I always liked winter. I was halfway to my destination when I saw her. _

_Karin was sitting at the same table we sat at when we parted in bad terms. A small layer of snow had covered the top of her head meaning that she had been sitting there for awhile. My forehead furrowed in concern when that her shoulders shook. She was crying._

_It didn't take much convincing to make myself walk to her. _"_Karin?" I called out tentatively. Her back stiffened before she quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. _

"_What do you want?" she bit out. _

_I didn't let her tone faze me. Taking a seat beside her, I reached for her hand. She recoiled before sending me a sneer. At this point, I had half a mind to leave her, until I saw the shadow of hurt in her eyes. _

_Letting out a soft sigh, I reached for her hand again, but this time she let me take it. "Are you okay?"_

_As if this question reminded her of why she was crying, she sniffed and more tears feel from her eyes. She was quick to bury her face in her arms. "Karin?"_

_After letting out a shuddering breath, she told me how Daichi pretended to like her back when in truth he was just using her to try and get the attention of another girl that he actually liked. She proceeded to tell me that after she had yelled at him, he told her she was "stuck up" and "no one would ever like someone as bitter as her"._

_My hand rubbed comforting circles on her back as she continued to sob. _

_When her crying began to cease I looked her in the eyes. "Karin, I'm sorry. I'm sorry he hurt you and I'm sorry that we fought over him. You are more important than any boy."_

_She sniffed once before giving me a weak smile. "It wasn't even worth. I'm sorry, too."_

XxXx

We were twelve when Karin got adopted. I was torn at the thought of never getting to see her and being alone again.

But by some fortune, another family adopted me as well and they were close friends with the family that adopted Karin. They were going to move into the city and live in houses that were not too far from each other.

After we managed to settle down, we were both enrolled at the same public school. The first day of school was the same as before. Everyone seemed to find me an easy target to tease.

XxXx

"_Who is that?"_

_"I don't know, but I bet her mom died her hair pink for attention. What a brat." _

_I bit my lip at the mention of my mother, but Karin didn't seem to notice the negative words people threw at me behind my back. She stood off in the distance chatting animatedly with a group of people. Placing my textbook into my locker, my fist clenched at hearing someone else bad mouth my hair. _

_I vaguely heard the sound of Karin parting with a farewell when she leaned against the lockers beside me. _

"_I think I like this school. Everyone is so nice."_

_I forced a smile. "I know, right?" If only she knew. _

XxXx

Karin was always the popular one. Everyone wanted to hang out with her, while I was stuck in her shadow. No matter what I did she always seemed to out do me. When I decided to grow my hair out, she did so as well and got even more flattering attention. While people stopped taunting me, they ignored me in favor of Karin. I mean with our hair colors we could almost be called sisters, but of course, she was the better one.

XxXx

_I was thirteen and in love. _

_Or so I liked to believe. _

_"Kiba?" I said timidly. Said boy turned in his seat. His brown messy hair gave him an adorable look and it left me completely enamored in him. I could only blush when he smiled at me. _

"_Yeah?"_

_I was completely flustered, but somehow I managed to speak. "I was um… wondering if you can tell me what our homework was." I already knew what it was, but I just wanted a reason to talk to him. _

"_Oh, yeah! We have to read chapter 5," he grinned, "which means no homework. Whoo!" He threw his arms up in celebration. I giggled at his antics as the bell rang dismissing us. _

_Kiba turned back to me gave me a parting wave. "See you later, Sakura." I smiled back and returned with a small wave of my own, my eyes watching as he went off. _

_A dreamy sigh left my lips. He was so cute! Rubbing furiously at my cheeks to rid myself of my blush, I made my way towards the cafeteria to meet up with Karin for lunch. She was already sitting down. Taking my place next to her, I finally noticed the wistful gleam in her eyes. I gasped._

"_Oh my gosh! What happened?" _

_Karin only looked at her nails nonchalantly, a sly smile on her lips. "Oh, nothing," she drawled out._

"_It's not "nothing"! I know that look on your face!"_

_She laughed and with a wave of her hand she dismissed my inquiries. _

_Then her eyes looked me over and an eyebrow rose. Confused as to why she was looking at me like that, I could only give her an unsure smile. Her lips turned upwards coyly as she propped her chin in her hand. "You look happy."_

_I blushed. "I don't know what you're talking about."_

"_Fine, fine, but I do have something to tell you."_

_This got my attention. "Oh?"_

"_Yes. Do you see that guy over there?" she pointed across the room. My eyes followed her direction until they landed on Kiba. My gaze returned to hers in question._

"_Yeah?"_

"_He's really cute," she gushed. I stiffened and then she smirked. _

_She leaned in closer to me and whispered words made my heart stop._

_"I think I like him and I'm going to get him to ask me out."_

_XxXx_

It had hurt. And badly. Just as she had said, she managed to wrap Kiba around her finger and they ended up dating. I don't think she ever found out that I had feelings for him.

And through their hand holdings and puppy eyes, I only had the thought of Karin's happiness. I figured I could bear it and move on. It was only a crush and crushes fade in time.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at the photo that I held in my hand. Pressing it against my heart, my mind lost itself in the memory of the day that everything changed.

XxXx

"_I am so late" I skidded across the tile floor to try and make it the turn around the corner. With my urgency I failed to see that another person was on the other side. Nothing could be done as I collided with this other person sending the both of us to the ground with me falling on my butt. _

"_Ow," I rubbed at my behind to numb the pain. That hurt. And then I remembered that I wasn't alone. "__Oh, gomen! I was in a rush and didn't see." I quickly stood up and offered my hand out to help the other._

_My heart stopped as I saw the most beautiful person alive. His larger hand complete engulfed my smaller one. When he was at his full height, I was met with the most entrancing onyx orbs. They stared into my own. My heart skipped again. He had aristocratic features and his raven hair framed his face in an alluring way. _

'Is he an angel?'

"_I-," I was at a loss of words. His eyes seemed to pierce through me and butterflies began to swarm in my stomach. I felt weak in the knees and my face burned in embarrassment at my lack of ability to speak. _

'Great! No he's going to think I'm a complete moron!'

"_Are you okay," his voice was deep and sent a shiver through my body. My blush seemed to amplify even more so. _

"_Y-yes," My hands clasped together in front of me and I kept my head down, but was unable to tear my eyes away from him. "I'm really sorry about running into you."_

_He dismissed my apology with a wave, "It's fine. Now harm done."_

_My eyes dropped to the ground in mortification. "Right."_

"_I'm Uchiha Sasuke." My head popped up in surprise. Why would he tell me his name? _

_I figured it was bad to look a gift horse in the mouth._

_"Sasuke," I repeated wanted to know how it sounded as it rolled off my tongue. It felt wonderful. __I smiled. "I'm Haruno Sakura."_

_"Sakura," he seemed to test out my name just as I did. My name had never sounded as sexy as he made it. My eyes widened as his hand reached up towards my face. His finger barely grazed my cheek as he pinched a strand of my hair in between his fingertips. My signature blush arose once again._

_"You have the name of the beautiful cherry blossoms. It's odd, not many people have pink hair."_

_His words made me smile. "Yeah, I know."_

XxXx

I was completely smitten with him the moment I looked into his deep eyes.

He was the ideal angst filled teen. He had a troubled past and he, too, lost his parents. His elder brother was nowhere to be found. Sasuke wasn't perfect. He was nearly always grumpy and he called me annoying quite often. At times he would be a complete asshole, but somehow it didn't matter to me.

Of course I wasn't the only one who was susceptible to his charm. He had a swarm of fan girls everywhere he went. A gentle laugh left my lips as I recalled all the times I helped him out of many situations. They were quite persistent.

My fingers traced his handsome face on the photograph. He was painfully handsome. My eyes trailed off to see the blond boy that stood beside, his grin nearly blinding. Oh, Naruto. That baka.

Soon I found myself with a new circle of friends, Sasuke and Naruto very prominent, but for some reason, I never tried to introduce Karin into my new group of friends. The thought had never crossed my mind.

'_Or maybe you just didn't want her to take Sasuke away from you.'_

I grimaced at this thought. It was true though. I was very selfish with my friendship. My feelings for Sasuke were true and deep, but I wasn't sure if I loved him.

XxXx

_"Oi, teme!" Naruto called out towards their third companions. Turning my torso I sent Sasuke a smile in greeting. _

_"Shut up, Dobe," Sasuke growled as he took a seat beside me. _

_It was a beautiful day today and my good mood gave me urge to tease our dark friend. "Aw, Sasu-cakes doesn't like the name you gave him, Naruto," I poked his cheek for good measure. He sent me a glare that should have had me shaking in my shoes, but I only waved him off. Naruto doubled over laughing._

_Sasuke muttered something along the lines of "unbearable idiots" as he turned his face away from us. _

"_Don't worry, Sasu-cakes. We still love you."_

_Sasuke gave me a deadpanned look before smirking. "Pinky."_

_My body stiffened at the offending name. Craning my neck towards him, I stood to tower over him. "You will die!" and then I lunged at him. _

_Naruto only fell over in guffaws. _

_XxXx_

My heart swelled at the memory. I always felt at home when I was around the two of them.

The warm rays of the setting sun broke though the overcast clouds and streamed through my window. I closed my eyes to fully appreciate the sensation as its warmth kissed my skin. The sight of the setting sun brought another memory.

XxXx

_"Sasuke-kun, please," I begged. Sasuke stood before me his arms crossed stubbornly. _

_"No."_

_"Please, all I want is for you to watch the sunset with me. Please." I pouted. _

_He glare hardened. "I said "no"."_

_I flinched and his harsh tone and gaze. Taking a step back I couldn't stop the hurt that I felt. I hadn't meant to upset him._

_"Oh… okay then. I'll just go home then," I looked up and gave him a weak smile, "I'll see you later, Sasuke."_

_I turned on my heel to head home when I was suddenly restricted by the hand that had grabbed for mine. My eyes remained low. _

_"Come on," he whispered gently tugging at my arm. I looked over my shoulder my eyes wide in surprise his eyes looking back stoically._ _Even know with him grabbing after me he still didn't betray any emotion. __ Was I not enough to interest him? Was I not enough to make him crack a smile, a frown, anything? Was I just not good enough for him?_

_"No, it's okay. I know you don't want to." I turned to continue on my way, but he persisted, his grip never loosening._

_"No, I want to," he seemed to struggle with his words. Looking at him again I was stunned to see that he was looking at me sincerely. His gaze was so strong that it left me breathless and the ache in my heart pulsed. My feelings for him reverberated through my body, but he would never know. I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid of his rejection and ruining the friendship we had. _

_Despite the thought of never being more than friends, I smiled at him. He gave me a small smirk as he made his way up the hill with me in tow. I tried to ignore the fact that he still hadn't let go of my hand. _

_Now, at the top of the hill, he sat down and pulled me with him. I sent him a glare for his roughness, but all further thoughts were forgotten as I took in the perfect picture of piece before me. _

_The sun had begun to tuck itself into the horizon. Streaks of orange, yellow and pink broke through the clouds above and the sway of the trees seemed to agree with nature's bidding. _

_I let out a contented sigh when the sun had completely disappeared from sight. Feeling Sasuke's gaze on my I turned towards him with a warm smile. _

_"Thank you," I whispered gently before placing a soft kiss on his cheek. I allowed myself the simple indulgence of letting my lips to linger before pulling away. I could be selfish just this once. I knew I was blushing, but I didn't care. He stared at me with a look that I had never seen before. His penetrable gaze left me feeling exposed. There was a breath or two before he dropped his eyes towards his lap. I took note in the fact that his hands were clenched tightly into a fist, his knuckles white. I looked at him with concern. Was he okay? What could he be thinking?_

_Realizing that it was going to be getting late soon, I made a grab for his hand to pull him with me to our feet. _

_"Come on. Let's go."_

XxXx

That was a moment I would forever cherish. No words could describe the feelings that came along with that memory. I had fallen in love with him as the sun had set.

Karin found about our friendship. She seemed mad at first, but then the next day it was all forgotten as if it never happened. I was at first relieved, but something in the back of my mind insisted that there was more to it than that. I had pushed that silly thought down right as it came up. It was simply uncalled for. Karin was a trusting person, right? I knew her for several years. I knew her.

Soon, Karin joined our little group of friends. I felt happy, but then out of place. I could see the looks Karin gave Sasuke. I knew something was going to happen. I was always filled with anxiety when the two of them were together. I soon learned that I was right to feel apprehensive.

XxXx

"_Karin," I spoke while licking on my vanilla ice cream, "do you want to go to the mall tomorrow?"_

"_Sorry I can't."_

_"Oh? Do you have a date or something," I joked. She blushed. "Oh my gosh, you do!"_

_"You won't _believe _who's my date." I turned towards her and she gave me a cheeky grin._

_"And who is the prince charming?" _

_She let out a loud squeal._ _"Sasuke-kun!"_

_I froze and stared at her, my ice cream ruined as it hit the concrete floor._

_"Isn't that great?!" She grabbed my hand and couldn't stop smiling and saying things like "I never thought he would like me" or "he's so perfect"._

_Nothing made it past my ears. I couldn't think._

_"Yeah… that's great…"_

_It's like they say; Curiosity killed the cat._

XxXx

The days that followed after were a blur. I couldn't recall much that happened, or at least, I tried not to. Karin and Sasuke started to date and soon they were official. They were the perfect couple.

After awhile, I stopped caring. I would look at people around, but didn't really see them. I listened to people, but didn't really hear them. I spoke to them, but never really talked. I just felt so empty. I never imagined that someone, a boy no less, could reduce me to the mess that I became. Every night I wanted to cry, but for some reason no tears fell. I desperately wanted to cry. They say that crying helps ease the pain a bit, but there were no tears.

XxXx

_Satisfied that another day had gone by, I exited through the school gates and made my way home._

"_Sakura," a familiar voice called from behind. Normally my heart would leap, but there wasn't even a thump of pain. I turned around to acknowledge his presence._

_"Yes?"_

_"Are you okay?" That was an odd question coming from Sasuke. I wasn't used to him ever asking about my well being, so I could only stare at him. In turn, he frowned._

_"Everything's fine." I paused, my eyes straying away from his. "Why do you ask?"_

_He didn't answer at first. Instead he opted to walking up to me and urged me to walk with him._

_"You've seemed distant. Is there something going on?"_

_For some reason, his words left me enraged. I didn't want him to care about my well being. It made it harder for me. It made me hope that he would care for me as more than a friend would, but then I'd remember he already had Karin. He didn't need me. _

_My mouth twisted into a scowl. "No, even if there was, it doesn't concern you." Stop trying to show that you care! Please! I can't handle it…_

_"You never spoke to me that way before and you shouldn't. It doesn't suit you."_

_My eyes narrowed into a fierce glare. "Are you in any position to say what I should or should not do?" I looked into his eyes after seeing a flash of something cross them. He seemed… conflicted._

_After a moment, his shoulders minutely slumped. Any other person would have missed it if they weren't looking, if they didn't know Sasuke. He seemed defeated. "No."_

_"Good. You will do well to remember that."_

_It wasn't until I got home did the tears began to fall. Sadness completely overwhelmed me leaving me slumped against the inside of the front door. Sobs broke through my chest coming in waves. There didn't seem to be an end. My nails clawed against the wooden flooring, my sobs turning into cries of pain. It just hurt so much. _

_I didn't try to restrain my cries. No one would hear me. My foster parents held occupations that required them to travel a lot. I was alone all the time. And for once, I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. _

_Petite hands dragged across my face to entangle in my hair. "WHY?!" I yelled. "WHY?! CAN'T YOU HEAR MY SCREAMS?!"_

_My heartache crashed over me violently. I had no control of my body as I carried myself towards my room. Falling to my hands and knees, all I could hear were my own cries and the sound of my tears pattering as hit the floor. _

_I don't know what had caused me to follow up with my next actions, but I soon found myself sitting on my closed toilet with a razor in my hand. Empty eyes stared at the object in my hand. I clenched my eyes shut before feeling another kind of pain._

XxXx

I sighed as I looked at my wrist and traced the raised imperfections. Some no longer visible, others forever etched on my skin, a constant reminder of just how deep I had fallen. That was the first time I cut myself. I was careful with the sharpness. I never thought that I would resort to self infliction, but I needed to feel another pain. I just wanted to feel something else.

I had only cut myself a few times before stopping completely when I turned eighteen. No one noticed the scars that were apparent on my wrist partially because I wore my school blazer. Other times, I guess people just didn't notice, or maybe they just didn't care.

I'm not sure when, but Naruto learned of my feelings for his best friend. I remembered how he tried to reach out to me that day.

XxXx

_"S-Sakura-chan?" my blond friend called out to me. I smiled at him_

_"Yes, Naruto?"_

_"I see the way you look at Sasuke, do you care for him?"_

_My eyes widened. "W-what?"_

_"I can see the pain and longing in you eyes as you look at him." He frowned and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I know you like him."_

_I gave him a sad smile. "No, Naruto," I shook my head. "I don't like him," his mouth opened to protest, but it automatically closed at my next words. "I love him. I love him with all my heart." My hands came up to hide my face from him._

_Strong arms wrapped around me. I didn't need to look up. _

_"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. I didn't know. I'm so sorry."_

_I felt something wet hit the top of my head. Looking up, I expected to see rain, but instead saw the tears that glistened in Naruto's blue eyes. "Naruto," I whispered. She hadn't meant to hurt him, too. _

"_He loves you, too, you know."_

_Sakura immediately pushed him away. Naruto, completely stunned by the turn events stumbled back as one hand reached towards her. She was quick to slap his hand down._

"_Don't say that! Don't say things like that to me! Please! Kami… please."_

"_Sakura-chan-"She held up a hand to stop him._

"_Don't. Just don't." _

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Me, too."_

XxXx

Since then Naruto had attempted to help me. Whenever I got into a situation between Karin and Sasuke he would butt in and make up an excuse to take me away. No questions asked.

Graduation soon came. I was in a deeper turmoil about whether I should confuse my feelings for him or to let him go.

Then I realized that I was being selfish. In all the years that I was in love with Sasuke, not once did I consider Karin's feelings. Maybe she loved him, too. I had wanted him all to myself even while he was with her. All I ever thought about was my own pain. Never did I consider that my actions could hurt Karin as well. She didn't deserve that.

I knew the decision I was making was going to tear me apart, but it needed to be done.

XxXx

_A bouquet of flowers shook in my grasp, my hands damp with sweat. My grip tightened as I watched Karin embrace Sasuke and kiss him on the lips. It hurt even more so when He reciprocated her actions. _

_I took a breath while taking in the image of Sasuke and engraving it into my mind. _

_After today, I was going to give him up. Unconditional love or not, there was no use holding feelings towards someone who did not return them. If Karin was happy then I'm sure it was enough to keep my happy. If she smiled then I would smile. I could smile through the pain._

_My heart clenched with every step towards the couple._

_I cleared my throat causing the two to separate from their intimate actions. Karin blushed furiously while Sasuke held a red tinge on his cheeks. He looked away to hide it. _

'He's so cute when he blushes,' _I thought regretfully._

_Forcing another one of the thousand of fake smiles onto my face, I decided to tease them._

_"Geez! Save it for later. We're supposed to be celebrating not sucking each other's face off," I laughed. Karin blush increased tenfold. Sasuke's gaze was not on me, but lowered toward something else. He took in the sight of the flowers before looking up and meeting my gaze. I sent him one last genuine smile while lifting them up towards the couple._

_"Oh, these are for you, two." Karin smiled and cradled them to her chest, her other arm wrapped around Sasuke's waist. _

_"Thank you, Sakura. Why though?" she asked as took in their scent._

_I took a deep breath. "I wanted to congratulate you, two, for making it through the years of high school. I mean come on! We graduated! And everyone loves flowers! I know I do! And they are also for the fact that the two of you made it through these years together. Who would have thought: my two best friends in love with each other? I'm happy for you two. You guys deserve each other."_

_Unknown by me, tears had begun to fall. They frowned noticing them._

_"Why are you crying," Karin reached with her free hand concern in her eyes. _

_I shook my head while wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my gown. "I'm just so happy for you." My eyes lowered to the ground guilt churning in my gut. I wasn't quite sure if it was because of the lie I gave them or the fact that I was lying to myself. "I'm sorry about that," my hands clenched tightly. "I have to go now. Bye."_

_I turned on my heel and ran away from them. My tears continued to fall, my heart breaking, chest heaving. People stared at me in sympathy when I passed. I didn't care. I didn't want to. I continued to run, away from the school, away from everyone, away from Karin, and away from him._

'I love you so much, Sasuke-kun.'

XxXx

I never saw much of the two afterwards. I managed to get admission into one of the most prodigious medical schools in Konoha two years ago. Fortunately, it was close by so I didn't have to move far.

But despite my academic success, the shadow of despair never left me. I had tried everything I could to forget about Sasuke. I had dated around, had even lost my virginity to someone who looked remarkably like Sasuke. It only left me feeling empty and hollow.

My heart ached as the darkness of my room swallowed me up.

_But don't worry. Your pain will end soon._

I believed I could move on. I promised myself I could, but it was just a hopeless wish. Now, as I sit on my bed dressed in black shorts and a white tank top, I had to wonder if I was destined from the very beginning to suffer. My long pink hair poured over my shoulders and my hand reached up and tangled itself in the soft strands. I could still remember the day I met Sasuke when he had touched my hair.

I always figured that even though I always felt this plaguing pain, I was strong enough to withstand it. Never would I think that I had a breaking point.

And did I break.

**Two weeks ago**

Throughout the years, I developed a liking in taking walks. In a pair of jeans and a hoodie, I made my way around my neighborhood. The peace that I found on my walks was rejuvenating, and no one ever bothered me. People would just pass by with a smile in greeting and would continue on. So I was extremely surprised when I heard someone call my name.

"Sakura." His voice shook me to my very core. Turning around I gave him a half smile. I was torn between feeling happy and tortured at seeing him again.

"Oh, hello, Sasuke-kun. What brings you here?" His dark eyes seemed to swallow me whole, his body tense. He was still as handsome as ever, but there were bags under his eyes. "Sasuke-kun, are you okay?"

He ignored my question and asked one of his own. "How have you been?"

His question about my well-being once again let me stunned. "Well, I'm on my way to getting my medical degree." He looked at me with the smirk that I knew so well.

"You always wanted to be a doctor."

"I did, didn't I," I trailed off.

We were both silent for awhile, simply enjoying each others company.

And then, "Sakura."

"Yeah?"

"Here." He handed me an envelope. Curious, I opened it to read the contents of the letter inside. I let out a soft gasp. It wasn't a letter. It was an invitation.

_You have been cordially invited to the wedding of:_

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_And_

_Karin _

_On the 8th of May._

_Please come and join us on this day of celebration._

My hands shook. My heart stopped beating for a moment. I sat down on a bench behind me.

"Sakura, are you okay?" Sasuke asked as he knelt down in front of me, his handsome face leveled with my own.

'_No! It's not okay! It was never okay from the beginning!'_

"Y-you're getting married," I breathed.

"Yes I am."

"Oh, Kami." I dropped my head into my hands, my hair creating a curtain around me. The invitation sat on my lap and the words printed glared at me. A minute later and I could no longer read it, my vision blurred by my tears.

"Sakura," his hands pushed mine away and he cradled my face in his large ones forcing me to look into his eyes.

'_Please don't do this to me. Don't make me look at what could have been.'_

His forehead furrowed in concern as his thumbs wiped my tears away, only to be replaced by more. "You're crying," he stated softly.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to. It's just," I broke off, my lower lip trembling, "This is a lot to take in."

"I know." He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine.

'_Please, Sasuke-kun. Please stop.' _

"Will you come?"

'_Don't ask me to do the impossible.'_

I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Six years ago, I tried to give him up, only to find out now that I was just wasting my time. I still loved him so much. My head shook back in for forcing him to make space between us. A gasp escaped my lips. I need air. I needed to get away from him.

"No, I can't make it," I lied through my teeth," I have a flight I need to catch. You know, how my parents are. I'm sorry. I can't come."

"I see," Sasuke stood, "It's okay. We all have things to do and I have to get going."

My eyes followed him with every step he took.

**Do my cries go unheard?**

**Do my tears go unseen?**

**Does my love go unspoken?**

At that moment, I felt as if I died.

XxXx

The wedding was in the morning. I closed my eyes. It was 11:55 p.m. At midnight I will end my life.

**11:56**

You never looked at me. You never bothered to see the way my heart longed for you. Sasuke-kun, was I not enough to make you happy? Did you ever notice me? Did you ever bother to look my way?

_I walked towards my window. I took one last glance out in the night before pulling the curtains closed. I checked to see if my door was locked._Click. _It was now._

**11:57**

Karin, did you see the way I stared in envy at you? From day one I was jealous of you. Everyone loved you. They all saw you and never me. I was just your shadow. Did you ever notice that I gave up my heart for your happiness? Did you ever hear my screams of pain at night? Did you ever see the tears that fall in my sleep never to stop? I always thought you stopped crying when you sleep, but you don't. Your broken heart continues to beat. My tears made an endless river of pain and sorrow. Are you happy?

_The letters to my friends, addressed and neatly stacked, sat on my desk along with pictures of everyone who touched my heart._

**11:58**

Are you proud of me, kaa-san and tou-san? I gave my heart for another, are you happy? Do I disappoint you? Am I selfish? Kaa-san, will you sing my a lullaby again? Tou-san, will you carry me on your shoulders again?

_I lowered my body to lay flat on my mattress, a knife sitting beside me._

**11:59**

Did anyone hear me? Did anyone see me? Sasuke, can you hear the way my heart beats? Can you hear that it beats for you? Can you see the tears that fall? Can you see that they fall for you? Will you miss me when I'm gone? Will you even notice? Will you think of me when I'm gone?

_Tick… tick… tick…_

"Sasuke-kun…" his name was lost in the darkness. I am lost.

_I picked up the knife and stared at it. Blank emerald eyes reflected back. _

_**57**_

_I place the tip of the blade above my heart. I want to end my pain as swiftly as possible._

_**58**_

_My eyes closed in acceptance. I never imagined that I could be so weak._

_**59**_

_Good bye._

* * *

I had redone most of all of this, but I'm still pretty satisfied with it.

Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Selflessness: Sasuke

A/N: Sasuke's POV!

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies

Enjoy!

(Edited: 8/15/12 so many typos!)

* * *

Selflessness

Part 2

My name is Uchiha Sasuke and this is the story of how I learned to love.

I remember exactly how she looked. The image of her smiling face burned vividly in my mind.

Cherry blossom hair would gently frame her face and cascade like a waterfall over her shoulders and down her back. Her long bangs would always be pinned to the side by a clip. The color of the clip varied everyday. I started to wonder if they associated with her moods. She had once told me she was ashamed of her abnormally large forehead. I didn't see anything wrong with it.

Glimmering emerald eyes that could pierce right through me into my heart always brightened when she spoke to her friends. They always brightened when she spoke to me and I took pride in this. Knowing that I was one of her special people left me feeling strangely satisfied.

From the very first day I knew that she was weird.

But she was special, too.

By first glance it wasn't her unique hair that caught my attention, it wasn't her _greengreengreen_eyes. It wasn't the way she blushed profusely and stumbled over words.

It was her smile, so soft and gentle. It was that very shy smile that made my heart stutter.

XxXx

_There are many things that I disliked. I dislike sweets and loud people. I dislike unnecessary drama, but what I dislike most were fan girls._

_Brainless airheads that they were, they never respected my personal space. And they were annoying as hell. This is why I found myself lingering in the front office waiting patiently for the tardy bell to ring. I didn't want to run into anyone of that variety on the first day._

_After a mental countdown, I pushed myself off the wall and shoved my hands into the black slacks that were the standard school uniform._

_The halls were now quiet, not a person in sight._

_Until I heard the sound of rushed footsteps._

"_I am so late!" Feminine and winded._

_It didn't occur to me that the owner of that voice was just around the corner, until I found myself on the ground. My eyes rose and was met with the unusual sight of pink hair._

_The girl didn't seem to have noticed me at first._"_Ow," she said while rubbing my behind._"_Oh," she gasped out, appalled, "gomen. I was in a rush and didn't see." She was quick to jump to her feet and offered her hand to me. I stared at it for a moment, contemplating what to do._

_Should I push the offer away considering the fact that she may be a ravaging fan girl? Or should I take the offer?_

_I figured it wouldn't matter either way and I was beginning to remember that it was rude to stare. Without another thought, I reached for her smaller hand._

_Finally standing at my full height, I was met with stunning green eyes. She wasn't tall at all, the top of her head barely reaching my chin. Her eyes were wide and I could clearly see the embarrassment she held._

"_I-," she began, but never finished. She blushed at her inability to speak._

"_Are you okay?" I asked. The red tinge on her cheeks darkened even more._

"_Y-yes," she said timidly while clasping her hands in front of her, "I'm really sorry about running into you."_

_Her apology sounded genuine and it didn't seem like she was going to jump me any time soon, so I dismissed her apology with a wave of my hand. "It's fine. No harm done."_ _She still seemed to feel mortified so her gaze dropped to the ground. I smirked softly._

"_Right," she whispered standing there like she didn't know what else to say. I was slightly taken by surprise that she wasn't going to ask me out on a date. She was different. She actually had manners and respected my space._

_For some reason, I wanted to see her more after this. She intrigued me._

"_Uchiha Sasuke," I offered hoping that she would give me hers in exchange._

_She seemed surprise that I was still standing in front of her. She looked thoughtful. "Sasuke," she said as if testing my name and then she smiled._

_I was left stunned. The way my name rolled of her tongue sent a shiver through my body, but I shook it off, though I couldn't shake of the feeling of wanting to hear her say my name again. And then her smile. I gave a sharp intake of breath and suddenly my mind went blank._

"_Haruno Sakura."_

_I repeated her earlier action, curious to how her name would feel coming from my mouth. It was a suitable name for someone of her namesake. And then I found myself reaching for her hair, but as I did so, I also had to resist the urge to touch her face._

_The impulses left me slightly disgruntled. I was always in control and never doubted my actions, but now, I wasn't so sure._

_Despite my usual control, my fingertips grazed her cheek before pinching a strand between my fingers. The back of my neck felt warm with the contact, but I pushed it down. I don't blush._

_Sakura could only stare at me._

"_You have the name of the beautiful cherry blossoms," I dropped my arm to my side. "It's odd, not many people have pink hair."_

_She gave me a blinding smile that left me momentarily stunned and I suddenly had the urge to smile back._"_Yeah, I know."_

XxXx

Although we departed to our separate ways, she never left my mind. It kept me distracted and thoughtful. While I was discontented with the fact that someone, a little girl no less, had seemed to tilt my world off its axis, it left me wondering what it was about her that made her stay in the back of my mind.

From that day on, I had intended to figure out the mystery that she presented, but never did I ever imagine that the more time that I spent around her, the more I craved for her presence, for her attention. She was addicting. Her cheerful personality drew me towards her more and more each day.

She was special. Everyone she made friends with knew she was special, but for some reason, she didn't seem to notice the affect she had on people. Either she was humble, or she genuinely didn't realize that people were drawn to her.

By the end of the day, I had realized that I had several classes with her, which left me immensely satisfied. The first few classes she would only send me a small smile and a tentative wave that left me feeling quite content, but by the last few classes she would sit with me before class started and talk.

Normally, I wouldn't be able to stand it when people talked nonsensical things to me, but for Sakura, she was the exception until she introduced me to the most annoying person alive.

XxXx

"_Hey Sasuke-kun," I didn't show it, but I had taken a liking to the fact that she added the endearing suffix to my name. I turned my head towards Sakura and she seemed to be struggling with suppressing her laughter. I raised my eyebrow in question. While her mood was cheerful, mine wasn't. The hairs on the back of my neck crawled at the fact that most of my female classmates were drooling after me. It made me appreciate that Sakura's individuality all the more._

"_I want you to meet a close friend of mine." I looked around expecting see someone, but saw no one of interest._ _She noticed my wondering gaze and smiled. "Oh, he's not here yet," she rolled her eyes, "He's probably now just remembering which class he's supposed to go to. He's very… special." She laughed at her own words. I gave her a look of question, but she waved it off, "You'll see what I'm talking about."_

_A soft grunt left me before I turned my gaze towards the window while Sakura continued to doodle in her notebook. From the corner of my eye, I could see a variety of flowers drawn. So she liked flowers._

"_Sakura-chan!" This new voice was male and very much loud. I mentally cringed at the volume._

_I heard Sakura giggle. "Hello, Naruto." I kept my gaze outside, but heard the distinct sound of a chair being pushed aside._

"_Who's he?" the voice of this Naruto whispered almost in a conspiring way._

"_He's a new student, I meet him earlier today," Sakura answered. I heard the rustling sound of movement and I turned to find cerulean eyes staring back at my own a few scant inches away from me. He had spiky blond hair and his eyes were narrowed as if scrutinizing me._

_I scowled at his proximity and fought the urge to push him off my desk. "What?" I snapped. Naruto's nose wrinkled in disgust as he pulled away._

"_Well, I think I already hate him. He looks too cool and he's an asshole. I think I'm going to call him "teme"," he said towards Sakura._

_Said girl's jaw dropped open. "Naruto! Don't be so rude!"_

'Teme?'

_I glared sharply at him while he seemed to do the same. Sakura looked between the two of us apprehensively. She was right to do so because I was a muscle twitch away from throwing the idiot out the window._

_Seemingly not sure how to proceed, Sakura prodded carefully, "Um…Sasuke-kun, this is my close friend, Naruto."_

"_Hn. Dobe."_

"_What did you call me?!" he yelled drawing in a few stares from the other students. When they saw him they all shrugged their shoulders and went back to their business._

'They're probably used to this loud mouth.'

"_Are deaf along with mentally challenged?"_

_Naruto glared at me, but said nothing until I heard his distinct mumble._

"_Teme."_

"_Dobe."_

_Sakura dropped her forehead on her desk. "Guys," she said exasperated._

XxXx

Somehow, by some work of Kami, I got used to Naruto's antics, but the urge to beat him to the ground senseless was always present. Sakura was always the peacemaker, always torn between amusement and annoyance when we argued. Before I knew it, the two of them remained at my side. They were my friends. I was unfamiliar with concept, but I accepted it, annoyance and all.

There was one day that all three of us had to stay after school for detention for, not surprisingly, Naruto's pranks and he somehow roped us in with him. When he parted on his own way, I walked Sakura home.

I never knew much about her family. She didn't say much about them and it made me curious.

XxXX

"_So, Sasuke-kun," my attention zeroed in on her, "You've been here for a month already, what do you think?"_

"A month had already passed by?' _I looked down at her pink hair thoughtful,_'Time seemed to go by fast because…'

_Wide innocent eyes looked up at me imploringly. I shrugged my shoulders, "It's satisfactory". But it had been more than that. I glanced at her again. I didn't really think much about the school. I only thought of her._

_Sakura giggled, "Only you could say something as formal as "satisfactory". You need to lighten up," she then hooked her arm through mine, which caused my body to stiffen. If Sakura noticed she didn't show. The place where our skin met held a tingling sensation and the back of my neck began to burn. Slowly my body relaxed and accepted her touch._

_I rolled my eyes at her words. With her arm still tucked in mine, she halted our movement. Looking at the house we stood in front of, I took in its appearance. It was a simple one story house. The sun had begun to set and the coming darkness emphasized the lack of lights in her house. It was empty. My eyes glanced beside the house towards the driveway. It was vacant._

_Where her parents working? Did she have any siblings?_

"_Where are you're parents?" She looked surprised at my question, but then bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. My eyes were immediately drawn to her action and I couldn't stop the way my heart skipped and continue with a quickened pace._

"_I… live with foster parents. I was an only child. Adopted when I was twelve, orphan at six," she answered quietly. I absorbed her words. I could sympathize. Sakura had already found out that I lost my family, too. Her eyes darkened in sadness, and in an instant, my hand reached out for hers._

_She looked at me and gave me a weak smile before squeezing back._

_I chose not to tread forward. It never got easier to recall the loss of loved ones._

_"What about your foster parents?"_

_She sighed. "They go on business trips a lot. When I got old enough to stay by myself, their trips became more frequent." Her smile was sad. "They're not bad parents. They still take care of me, and they leave me enough money to pay the bills and for everything I need. They're just not around that often. They love me," she trailed off, "I think they love me._

_My hand tightened around hers as my eyes narrowed. Her foster parents didn't appreciate her. Why didn't they see how special she was? He looked down at her. Why couldn't they see that she wanted to be loved?_

_Her eyes seemed to have widened in realization as she dropped my hand. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you my sob story. Just forget everything I just said."_

_But I couldn't. Not when she was hurting as fiercely as she was._

_Sakura laughed as if it would make everything okay, but it didn't._

_"You should probably head home now," she prodded gently._

_I sighed. "Aa."_

_She turned to me and smiled brightly as if she wasn't feeling any of her previous sadness. "I'll see you tomorrow!" She made her way to her door step, before pausing. She turned towards me, her eyes flashing with something I wasn't familiar with._

_I was soon taken by surprise when she ran towards me and embraced me strongly. Her small arms wrapped around my waist and the force of her hug would have sent me staggering back if I hadn't seen her coming. My body froze. She pressed her face against my chest. Hesitantly and unsure, my arms wrapped around her to return her embrace._

_Her hug sent a feeling of warmth through me. My heart swelled with an emotion that I was soon starting to understand._

_All too soon and to my dismay, she pulled away from me. I had no choice, but to drop my hands from her._

"_Thank you, Sasuke-kun." And then she turned back towards her house. I lingered on the sidewalk until she was safely in the confines of her home and then I made my way back to mine. I couldn't help but think about the similarities between us. We always came home to an empty house. My eyes returned back towards hers. The dark lights vaguely reminded him of the same image that he was always greeted by. No one was waiting for their return. And then one light switched on._

_I watched as Sakura's shadow passed through and then my mind began to trend on forbidden thoughts. What would it be like if Sakura were to wait for me? Would she embrace me just as she had done earlier?_

_I found myself liking the idea. My earlier trailing thought returned to my mind. I finally had an answer to my unfinished thought._

'Time seemed to go by fast because I was learning to care for her, because I was falling in love with Haruno Sakura.'

XxXx

For the first time in my life, there was a girl whose attention I craved. She was always there for me, lingering around and supplying her friendship, but I wanted more. I allowed myself unbidden thoughts. I wanted more than her hugs of friendship. I wanted to be able to tangle my fingers through her fine long hair and press my lips against hers. I wanted to be able to kiss her cheek just to make her blush. I wanted everything that made her so… Sakura.

The one girl that I wanted didn't seem to have an interest in me at all. I wanted her to having feelings for me just as I did for her.

I wanted to ask Sakura out, but something always held me back. Every time she smiled, I could feel my feelings for her pour through my eyes. Either she didn't see or she didn't care.

My heart hoped that it was the former and not the latter. I don't think I could handle knowing that she didn't care.

At one point, Sakura started to date someone. I still can't recall his name because he was just trash to me. He didn't matter, but Sakura did. So much. Every time the two of them were together, I always imagined it was me in his place, my hand in hers, my lips against hers. I imagined that it was me kissing her senseless until she forgot about everything around them.

But imagining didn't change a thing. My anger towards the boy was borderline murderous. I hated the very air he breathed. Despised every touch he place on Sakura's fair skin.

Even when they broke up, I started to lose all hope that Sakura would even consider me as a potential boyfriend. And it hurt, so much.

Then one night, I came up with another conclusion. What if _I_wasn't good enough for her?

XxXx

"_Sasuke-kun, please," Sakura pleaded. I crossed my arms with no intentions of backing down._

"_No."_

"_Please, all I want is for you to watch the sunset with me. Please," she began to pout, but I held my ground._

_I didn't want to spend more time with Sakura. I couldn't stand being around her without being able to touch her in the way I wanted to, the way I needed to._

_Just moments ago, some worthless boy was talking to her, openly flirting and flattering her with compliments, but she didn't seem to notice his interest. She only blushed- she blushed_my_blush- while smiling her thanks._

_Was she blind? Did she not see the way other guys would stare after her? Did she not see the way I had tried, and failed miserably, at reigning my emotions in?_

_I glared. "I said "no"."_

_She flinched taking a step back from the sound of my voice and she didn't ask again._

"_Oh… okay then. I'll just go home then," she looked at me and forced a smile on her lips, "I'll see you later, Sasuke."_

_My anger melted away in an instant only for guilt to take its place. She didn't deserve to be spoken to that way. She turned towards the opposite direction, but before she could take another step, I made a grab for her hand. She didn't turn around._

'Wait, don't go. Please, I'm sorry. Don't leave me. Stay. Stay forever'

"_Come on," I whispered, my guilt growing when she refused to turn around. I gently tugged on her arm and green eyes appeared over her shoulder. I'm not exactly sure what I was feeling at the moment, or whatever my face looked like to her, but I'm sure what she saw, she didn't like._

_Sakura looked away and her eye brows furrowed a small frown adorning her lips. She seemed to be deep in thought, and the more the seconds lingered by, the more sadness I could see in her eyes._

_My chest seemed to ache, my stomach churning._

'Don't be sad. I'm here. I'm sorry. Please smile for me.'

_She sighed quietly to herself. "No, it's okay. I know you don't want to." She made to walk away again, but my hold didn't lighten._

_No words came out of my mouth. I wasn't even sure if I could speak anymore. I wasn't sure why it felt like Sakura was leaving me. I didn't want to let her go._

"_No, I want to see the sun set…"_

'With you. Only you.'

_I was quite surprised by the sincerity of my voice, by how much I really didn't want her to go yet. She looked into my eyes, searching for uncertainty, I'm sure. Her emerald eyes glowed with light that melted my heart, but still left it cold. Perhaps it was because I knew I had no hope of ever being with her._

_After a moment, she smiled at me. Not another forced smile, but a real one, one that I wanted to see every day. One that I wanted to receive every day._

_Satisfied with her change in mood, I smirked back and pulled her with me towards the hill nearby._

_Once at the top, I sat on the grass and dragged her down with me. She glared at me. I ignored it and stared off towards the sun. I didn't see anything special about it. Just an ensemble of colors. Nothing interesting. I turned my attention back to Sakura. She must have found something special about the sight. She was completely entranced.. Her eyes full of wonder and excitement._

_I don't know about her or anyone else, but the sun could not compare to her. Sakura's hair glowed. The pink tresses seemed to blend right in with the sun's warm rays. She looked beautiful. The sight made my stomach turn in an uncomfortable way and my heart ache. She was **too**beautiful and I loved her. I wasn't worthy._

_The sun had fully hid itself in the horizon. Sakura turned towards me and smiled gently._

"_Thank you," she whispered and then she kissed me on the cheek. My eyes widened at the contact, my cheeks feeling warm. Her lips were soft and I was able to take in the smell of her sweet scent. When she pulled away there was a blush on her cheeks and I could only stare at her. I couldn't begin to describe the sudden hope that jolted through me. The sudden warmth that engulfed me._

_I knew I loved her, but I didn't know that I loved her to the point that the thought of rejection was so painful it scared me. I was so scared she would tell me "no", that she would laugh at my weakness. It was too much. She was too much and I wasn't good enough for her. My eyes landed on my lap, my fists tight together. I had to resist the urge to pull her towards me and reclaim her lips, possess them absolutely until all she could remember was me, only me, forever me._

_But I couldn't. _

_Suddenly small hands held mine and pulled me to my feet, her smile still in place. "Come on. Let's go."_

XxXx

I made one of the hardest decisions that night. I was going to give her up. No amount of good deeds would make me a better person suitable for her. I burned every memory of her into my mind and locked them in my heart. I had to accept the fact that we were just friends and nothing more. It was a painful conclusion, but it made sense.

Unwillingly and painfully, I took the first step in forgetting my love. I needed to find someone else to distract me.

After a week, someone caught my eye: one of Sakura's friends, Karin. I never noticed her before until she walked passed me one day. For a moment I thought it was Sakura, my heart beating painfully, until I looked closer. It wasn't pink, but red. Her hair was long, too, but was choppy and slightly disheveled.

A condemning thought came to mind. Karin could replace Sakura. If I tried hard enough, red could turn to pink. Maybe I could settle for less. If it meant that the hole in my chest would stop hurting then I would resort to anything. I asked her out and she said "yes"… then things became strange.

Sakura became distant. She didn't smile as often or laugh as much. When I looked into her eyes, a shadow seemed to overcast her usual brightness.

XxXx

_I watched Sakura as she exited the building and towards the school gates. I was quick to catch up to her. I needed to know what was wrong. I needed to know that she was same girl that I lo-… used to know._

"_Sakura." Her name reverberated through the ache in my chest._

_At the sound of her name, she turned towards me._

"_Yes?"_

'You used to smile when you see me. Where did your smile go?'

"_Are you okay?" I asked. She continued to look at me with an emotion I couldn't decipher. My lips began to turn downward into a frown with every passing second._

"_Everything's fine," she paused looking thoughtful. "Why do you ask?"_

_I didn't answer at first choosing to walk beside her and urging her to walk with me. "You've seemed-," what word could describe what she seemed like? Different? Strange? Lost?_

'No longer the girl I love. Where did you go?'

"_-distant. Is there something wrong?" Her eyes flashed in anger and she scowled. I was taken by surprise. Sakura never did that to me before._

"_No, even if there was, it doesn't concern you," she said coldly._

_I'm not sure if it was the tone of her voice that struck a nerve in me, or the look in her eyes. I had to wonder if I still held a special place in her heart anymore._

_Sakura turned on her heel to walk off again. I caught up to her with ease._

"_You've never spoken to me like that before and you shouldn't, it doesn't suit you." And that was the truth._

_Her eyes narrowed into fierce glare. Sakura had glared at me many times before, picking up the habit from me, but **never**had she glared at me with true sincerity. It made me want to look away, but I couldn't. I held her gaze._

"_Are you in any position to say what I should or should not do?" she spat in disgust. Her words stung me. My opinion use to matter to her. I liked to think that my words still held some semblance of value, but maybe I was wrong. Things have changed._

_Defeat made its course through me. My mouth felt try, but I powered through as if nothing was wrong. "No," I admitted._

_Sakura seemed satisfied with my answer._

"_Good, you will do well to remember that." She said no more and continued on her way leaving me to stare after her retreating back._

'No, don't leave. Not like this. Never like this.'

XxXx

Sakura started to avoid me after that. My chest ached. I had tried so hard to forget my feelings for her so that I wouldn't lose her friendship, but what good did that do? I couldn't do anything right. She never looked me in the eyes anymore, as if maybe she thought that I wasn't good enough to meet eye to eye. I could understand.

Soon after, Naruto's foolishness lessened. When we hung out together at his place, he was still as annoying as usual, but sometimes I would catch him looking at me with a look of anger.

After awhile, Naruto stopped being annoying.

XxXx

_The teacher was done with his lecture leaving everyone to do as they pleased._

_Naruto sat down in Sakura's empty seat today. Then pink haired teen was absent today which struck me as odd. She never missed a day of school. Was she sick?_

_I couldn't ponder further when Karin came up to me and proceeded to sit in my lap. I let her. Blue eyes looked at us, and a flash of pain crossed his eyes. And then they narrowed dangerously._

"_You're an asshole, you know that?" And then he stormed off, just as the dismissal bell rang._

_I glared after him, but couldn't stop the nagging feeling that crawled up my spine. Naruto called me many names. Names that made me want to strangle him, but this was the first time that his tone took a different turn._

_He actually meant it._

"_Karin, get off," I commanded._

_She pouted and a betraying voice in the back of my mind whispered 'Just like Sakura.'_

_My hand nudged at her torso until she finally complied. "Fine. I'll see you later then." She proceeded to exit the class room with me trailing behind. She went in one direction, while I went after Naruto._

_I found him stuffing his books in his locker violently. I leaned against the lockers to his left with my arms crossed. "What the hell was that?" I asked._

_I watched as Naruto's fist squeezed around his locker door and then he slammed it shut, angry eyes turning to me. He slammed his left forearm against my chest forcing me further into the locker. I opened my mouth to shout at him to back off, but then his face was inches from mine and he hissed out, "You are worse than trash. You are a low life who's stuck in your own godforsaken world. Open your damn eyes." He pushed away from me, but his furious glare never wavered. I glared back._

"_What the hell are you talking about?"_

_The blond let out a harsh biting laugh. "Like I said: Open your damn eyes. You can't even see what you're missing, who you're hurting."_

_And then he stormed off._

XxXx

Naruto stopped talking to me for the longest time.

Things didn't seem the same anymore. Naruto didn't want to be around me anymore and I hardly saw Sakura around when we weren't in class or passing each other in the halls. Karin was the only one remained constant.

After some time, it made it easier to pretend that Karin could be Sakura. When I kissed her, my eyes would open minutely and see red. I willed myself to see pink. And when I did, I would let out a sigh and cradle the girl's face. Times like this, I imagined that it was Sakura that I was holding in my arms.

Sakura seemed to be returning to her old care-free loving self… when I wasn't around. She still smiled and scolded Naruto, but then I would approach them, and her smile would falter and her words would die. And then she would give me one of her fake smiles. I wasn't sure how much of this I could take. I needed to see the real Sakura again… nothing was the same anymore and this hurt more than I thought possible.

XxXx

_It was a Saturday afternoon. I looked up at the skies. It was cloudy. It was going to rain soon, but I did not waver. I needed to talk to Sakura._

_It wasn't until I was standing at her doorstep when my decision, what I had once felt so sure of, began to turn into doubt._

_Taking a deep breath I raised my fist to knock, but before I even made contact, I heard a broken sob. Someone- a girl- was crying. It sounded so heart broken. I focused on the sound trying to pinpoint were it was coming from. It came from the room that I could only assume was Sakura's._

_At this point it started to rain, but I ignored it as I walked up to her window. Her room was dark. I could barely make out her figure. She was kneeling, her back hunched over in despair. Her hands were placed in front of her, keeping her propped up. On closer inspection, I saw that there was a photograph in front of her on the floor, but I couldn't make out what it was picture of._

_I pressed the palm of my hand against the glass almost willing the obstruction to disappear so that I could reach her. I wanted to pull her into my arms._

"_Why?" I vaguely heard her mutter. "Why her?"_

_Why was Sakura crying? Who was in the picture?_

_I had half a mind to actually go knock on the door and see her properly when my phone went off. The ringing seemed so loud in my ears._

_It took me a moment to realize that Sakura heard it, too. Her body stiffened and just as she turned around, I silence my phone as I dropped to the ground, my back against the wall under her window. Her light flickered on and then there was the sound of her manipulating the window to open._

_I pressed myself closer against the wall when she called out, "Is someone out there?" Her voice hitch mid-sentence a sob broke through. I ignore the fact that her crying bothered me._

_A minute or two passed before she let out another choked cry. "I can't believe I let myself hope."_

_With a click she shut her window once again leaving me to wonder what exactly she was hoping for._

XxXx

To this day I still failed to understand what had happened. Assuming that she was crying over whoever was in the photo, who was making her cry? My body burned in anger at the thought of someone hurting her.

Graduation came. Partying, celebration, and presents went all around. Some were happy, some relieved, and some sad, but I didn't care for them. I only cared for Sakura, but it didn't seem like she was going to speak to me anytime soon. The last time I've seen a real smile of hers was that time we watched the sun set together… the night I decided to let her go.

I vaguely remember how graduation went. It was to be expected. Boring. Naruto started to speak to me again and at times he would still act reserved and his usual boisterous attitude came and went. I was still dating Karin, and Sakura seemed to only linger in my peripheral vision.

So it was unexpected when she approached me.

XxXx

_Karin currently had her lips pressed into mine which left me feeling disgruntled. I was never one for public affection. And then we heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. I tore myself away from Karin, to find Sakura standing before us, a bouquet of flowers in hand. My cheeks flushed in embarrassment at being caught doing such an intimate act in public. Her long hair was neatly straightened and flowing down her back. She exchanged a few words with Karin, but I didn't pay attention. My eyes were only on her which then lowered to look at the flowers in her hand inquisitively._

_Sakura noticed my gaze and presented them to us. "Oh, these are for you two." Karin smiled while taking them and pulling them close to her chest. I didn't care for the flowers._

_Karin thanked her, but I said nothing. A nagging thought was plaguing my mind. My instincts telling me to do something, but I couldn't figure out what. She spoke words I never thought would affect me, but they did. And then tears began to fall from her emerald eyes. She was crying. Why was she crying?_

_I wanted to wipe them away and hold her to me, to whisper words of comfort as I stroked her hair, but I held my place. My place at Karin's side._

"_Why are you crying?" Karin asked._

_Sakura shook her head. "I'm just so happy for you." She lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry about that," she continued, "I have to go now. Bye."_

_Without another word, she took off. I watched again as she, with every step, became farther and farther away from me. I suddenly felt very sad, very empty… and why did it feel as if something was taken from me?_

XxXx

I never saw much of her. I heard she managed to get into medical school recently. This made me smile. She always wanted to be a doctor.

As for myself, after graduating from business school, I sought to take over my father's company. Being the sole heir to the position, it didn't take long for me to reestablish our Uchiha name.

Years went by and I still didn't see her. She never contacted me, and me her. Naruto occasionally tells me how Sakura's doing. I sometimes found myself wanting to ask if she was with anyone, if she was going to get married. This thought served to simply shatter my heart even further. I couldn't stand the thought of what I could have had, what could have been, so I kept my curiosity to myself. It was better not knowing if she could be in love with someone else.

Eventually I proposed to Karin and she accepted. I didn't love her. I know that much. I still loved Sakura, unconditionally. I had long accepted the fact that she couldn't love me in the way that I deeply desired.

I remember clearly what happened when I told her I was going to get married. I don't know what made me tell her personally; maybe it was some sign of closure. My last chance to see her while I was unattached. Unattached and still hoping against all hope.

XxXx

_After locating her address, I found her. She was dressed so casually and had a face of serenity. It almost made me want to turn back around. I didn't want to break the peace._

_Upon closer inspection, I noticed that a small smile adorned her face. My jaw became slack and my heart squeezed. This was the first time I had seen her smile in so long. I engraved the image permanently into my mind before summoning my strength._

"_Sakura."_

_She turned to face me and while her half smile wasn't as grand as the one earlier, it was still a smile and it was directed at me._

"_Oh, hello, Sasuke-kun," I let my name pass over me. Her endearing suffix wrapped itself around my heart reassuring me that despite my selfish thoughts and wants I still held a place in her heart. It brought me back to a time when she used to laugh and smile freely. "What brings you here?" This brought me back to the present. My eyes darkened. "Sasuke-kun? Are you okay?_

_I ignored her question wanting to prolong the inevitable. _"_How have you been?"_

_For a moment, she didn't say anything._

"_Well, I'm on my way to getting my medical degree." She almost sounded smug._

_I looked up to her, and for a moment, her tone brought me back to the past, to a better time. I found myself smirking at her._

"_You always wanted to be a doctor."_

"_I did, didn't I," she trailed off._

_I took a deep breath before proceeding, "Sakura."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Here," I barely managed to keep my hand from shaking as I held out the envelope to her. A small voice, the one that I had fiercely tried to silence for years screamed in protest._

'No! If she sees it you'll never get your chance!'

_Just as I did then, I squeezed those thoughts back into the cracks of my heart. _

_She took it looking confused and curious. Not wanting to read her expression, my eyes drifted towards the ground again. I listened to the sound of her tearing it open. And then she let out a soft gasp._

_My head shot up at the sound. She seemed shaken and her skin had gone pale. She dropped into the bench beside us. I reached out for her worried for her health and knelt in front of her so that our eyes were leveled. "Sakura, are you okay?"_

"_Y-you're getting married," she breathed._

_My eye brows scrunched in confusion. "Yes I am."_

"_Oh, Kami." She lowered her head into her hands, her hair falling around her in a curtain._

_All my instincts shouted at me to do something. She was hurting, but I didn't know why. My traitorous heart hoped that word of my marriage had affected her somehow. Maybe she cared. Maybe she had feelings._

_But I pushed those thoughts viciously down. Leave it to me to bee selfish while the woman I loved was hurting._

_My larger hands reached out to cradle her face to make her look at me. It hurt to see her tears. "You're crying," I stated simply. My thumbs gently traced her cheeks to wipe her tears away._

'Don't cry. Please don't cry.'

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just," there was a hitch in her voice, "this is a lot to take in."_

"_I know," against my better judgment I found myself pressing my forehead against hers. If this was the last time I saw her, then I'll allow myself to be selfish one more time. I took in the feel of her skin from the simple contact and cherished it. Her scent overwhelmed me. She still smelt the same._

_"Will you come?"_

_She shook her head and I had to back away to prevent her from hitting my nose. "No, I can't make it. I have a flight to catch. You know how my parents are. I'm sorry. I can't come."_

_Her words were barely processed in my mind. In the back of my mind her words echoed and morphed into something else._

'No, I can't love you.'

'I'm sorry. I just don't love you.'

_Her rejection, while understandable beat at me in an awful way. So this is how it would have felt for her to say "no". I understood now._

"_I see," I mumbled as I pulled my hands away and stood, "It's okay. We all have things to do and I have to get going."_

_Little did I know that was the last time I would see her._

XxXx

I sighed while taking in my appearance. The black suit I wore was polished to perfection not a flaw in sight. I was going to be married soon. I knew Sakura wasn't going to be here, but I couldn't stop the longing for her to be there.

Then there was a banging on my door.

Opening it, Naruto flew into the room, his eyes wide and frantic, tears brimming on the edges. "Naruto?"

"S-Sakura-chan," he began quietly.

I stiffened. "What about her?" Didn't she have a plane flight today? Is she okay? Did something happen on her way to the airport? "Naruto, is she okay?"

Tears began to fall from his eyes. "No… she's not…"

"What? What happened?" Panic began to crawl at my chest.

"Sakura-chan… she's… dead."

The world around me disappeared. My blood ran cold. And then I snarled, "Naruto, you asshole, that's not something to joke about." I grabbed for his collar my eyes burning furiously in anger. "Naruto!"

"She's dead! She's really gone!" he yelled as he swiped my arm away.

"H-how?"

"This morning… I went to check on her," he began, his voice dead, "She didn't answer the door. I got worried last night… when you said that she couldn't come, that she had a plane flight. Sakura told me a few days ago… that she wasn't planning on going anywhere for the next month… I got worried…"

"I went into her house and it was quiet. Her room… it was locked. She was on her bed…" he struggled to remain coherent, "blood was everywhere… she killed herself," he sobbed one hand rubbing at his eyes while the other dug something out of his pocket, "I found this beside her." Naruto pulled out a wrinkled envelope with my name written in her hand writing. I didn't take it. I was still stunned at his words unable to understand.

"No," I whispered trying to convince him, trying to convince myself that she wasn't gone, that this was a dream.

"Sasuke… she's gone." I ignored him as I pushed past him making my way towards her home. I had to see for myself.

When her house came into view, I could see the flashing lights of a police car and ambulance. I pushed past anyone who got in my way. With every step my heart was breaking. She couldn't be dead. She had to be alive. It didn't take long for me to locate her room. The door was ajar.

I pushed through and crumpled to my knees at the sight. There she was.

Sakura was on her bed, lying on her side. Both of her hands were cradled close to her chest and between her fingers was the hilt of a knife. Through will alone, my body crawled towards her. With an outstretched hand I reached for her face

"Sakura?" I choked out. She didn't move, but of course she wouldn't move. She was dead! This final admission sent me on the brink of hysteria. She was gone. No. No. This couldn't be happening. Pulling myself on to her bed, ignoring the way her cold blood had fully soaked her sheets, I pulled her body into my arms. My face pressed against the top of her head.

I never realized when the tears began to fall. "Sakura… wake up. Please wake up. You can't just do this! You can't just leave me!"

My heart didn't seem to be beating anymore because the only person that was worth the world to me was gone. There was no one for this heart to beat for. A choked cry left my lips as I pulled her body closer to me.

And to think… just two weeks ago she was alive. Why would she kill herself? Why?! I couldn't believe that she was gone. I couldn't believe that I was going to get married while she was here dead.

"Sasuke."

For one delirious moment I thought Sakura was still alive and calling me to her, but then I registered the male voice and lacking suffix. I was too devastated to notice his entrance. He walked up beside me and stared down at Sakura. His hand reached for hers giving it a small squeeze. His was face scrunched in pan, tears still prominent on his cheeks.

I had almost growled at him for touching her.

Naruto looked up and took in my appearance. I was sure I looked like a feral animal. "Take it." He placed the envelope on the bed before turning to leave. He paused at the doorway.

"You know… she always loved you."

His words tore through me. "What?"

"Back in high school, she told me she loved you. Always did, always have. I guess she never stopped." Naruto glanced at a photograph of the three of them when they were still young and happy. He sighed, "it's a shame you never realized" and then he left.

Maneuvering Sakura so that she remained propped up, her back against my chest with my arms encircled around her. I reached and tore the envelope open.

_Sasuke-kun,_

_I hope you're reading this… I really don't know why. I mean, for the past six years, my heart called out for you. I fell in love with you… that one night when we watched the sunset together. Do you remember? It's impossible for me to forget. It makes me cry when I think about it._

_I loved you and you never saw it. You were getting married to my childhood friend and you didn't see my suffering. I don't blame you though. I'd like to think that I was good at hiding everything. Sometimes I liked to think that I could live my life without you, friendship and all, but it breaks my heart. The very thought is making me cry right now._

_I wonder what it would be like if we were together, if you had loved me. Well, I guess the world will never know._

_I'm not angry just sad and feeling a little forgotten._

_Did you ever stop to think that maybe… you could have looked at me? I guess that never even crossed your mind… and that's fine. I understand._

_I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your wedding. I'm glad that Karin makes you happy._

_Well… I guess this is good bye… I've realized that the last time we spoke we didn't say a proper good bye._

_Good Bye, Sasuke-kun. I love you._

_Yours truly and always,_

_Haruno Sakura._

My hands shook, the letter becoming a blur to me.

_'Sasuke-kun. I love you. I love you. **I love you.**'_

She loved me. Sakura loved me. Was in love with me.

I let out an anguished cry. I couldn't even relish in her affections. It was a hollow victory.

Sakura's foster parents weren't even in the country. I wonder how long it'll take for them to realize that Sakura was gone.

I looked at the woman in my arms. She deserved so much better. Her love for me gave her this ending. She died because she loved me so much and she couldn't stand the thought of losing me.

I suddenly felt like there was nothing left in the world for me… everything was pointless. I couldn't begin to understand why I didn't feel like dying… because it felt like I already did.

Sakura meant the world to me, I see that now. She was everything I could ever want, need. She was my everything and now that she's gone… I have nothing left. I don't have anything to live for and now… I don't have to live…

It's ironic… she fell in love with me the day I gave her up. She tried to hold on to me for years hoping that I would realize while I gave up only after a few months. Even then she still couldn't give up. She loved me enough to never tell me, in hopes that I was happy.

What hurt the most was that I could have returned that love, but now I can't.

My hand laced its way around her torso, her clothes damp from her blood. I squeezed her even closer to me, my face falling into the crook of her neck, her head lolling to the side. "Sakura," I squeezed through gritted teeth and then my hand reached up and grabbed the knife that was still embedded in her chest. I ignored the gushing sound it made as I pulled it out of her body.

My mind was made up. There was no going back now.

I nestled Sakura in my arms, my body curled around hers, both of us lying on our side. I looked over her shoulder at the knife. It didn't take much for me make a large gash on my wrist. I watched in almost sick fascination as my blood spurted out, the color matching Sakura's. Tossing the knife to the ground, I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, my legs tangling in hers.

"Sakura," I whispered in her ear, "did you know that when you smile, you get a dimple on your left cheek? When you used to get annoyed with me, your left eye would twitch and sometimes your lip would, too. I sometimes liked to believe it was because you wanted to smile at me."

I could almost pretend that she was still alive and in my arms _finally_. I smiled at the thought and continued to tell her everything, every thought, that had passed my mind while I was with her. "You're beautiful. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would hug my pillow and pretend it was you." I let out a soft laugh. "Naruto and I used to argue about who made you smile more. Well, he was the one who argued. I didn't care who made you smile just as long as you did." I frowned, "I'm sorry I made you stop."

My head turned towards her face to place a soft kiss to her cheek in apology just as she had done all those years ago. I let my lips linger along her skin. She was finally here with me.

I let out a content sigh. This was it. Maybe if I was lucky… I'll be allowed to be with my angel. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to see her emerald eyes, gentle smile, and her pink flowing hair.

I could only hope that she would forgive me. I could almost hear her tinkling laughter right now as darkness began to plague my vision.

"I love you, Sakura."

"_I love you, too, Sasuke-kun!"_

* * *

A/N: So I rewrote this bad boy, too! I hated how badly I wrote back in the years and I'm extremely satisfied with out this ended the second time around.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	3. Selfishness: Karin

A/N: By request I finally managed Karin's point of view. I'm very satisfied with how it turned out.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters

Enjoy!

(Edited: 8/16/12)

* * *

_Selfishness_

_It's like a disease._

My name is Karin and this is how my story was supposed to be.

When I first saw him, I liked him. When I first spoke to him, I was infatuated. When I first found out that he didn't like me, I had already loved him. When I first found out that he was in love with Sakura Haruno, I had already planned to steal him away.

Call it devotion. Call it obsession. I don't care. I needed him. I needed him to want me and _not her_.

From the first moment I saw her, I knew she existed only to outdo me. She was the essence of beauty, so innocent. Her voice was that of a perfect child, for an angel. I knew this and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not horrible enough to deny that she was so pure. But she was just one more person that was more important to me and I couldn't have that.

I don't quite remember when we first met, but when you're a child, ignorance is beautiful and I felt pity for her when she would get picked on. I wanted to be her friend. I liked her smile. I thought if I became her friend I could keep that smile on her face.

And ignorance can only last as long as one allows it to.

As we grew older, I noticed that people started staring at her for more than her unique appearance. They were as enchanted by her as I was. She never quite realized that it was mainly jealous girls that would abuse her. The boys seemed to shy away from her.

Yet, she followed me and stayed by my side like a loyal puppy which started to become very unfortunate for me. The more beautiful she became the more she made me look dull, expired. I couldn't compare to her especially since she was always _there_. She started to become a nuisance. I tried to pull away from her, but she would always follow.

Sometimes I went out of my way to get her to hate me. It just never worked. She was subconsciously stubborn. I don't know if she was delusional, but for some reason she always believed that _I _was the magnificent one. Ha! Hardly when compared to her!

When I learned that I had qualities to woe boys and snatch them up, I used them without shame or regret. During the time, I momentarily strayed from my plan to crush Sakura. I was satisfied with the attention I was getting. But it wasn't until I noticed that she would become flustered around this one boy. She liked him. I didn't know who he was, nor had I cared, that is, until I an idea. The feeling of wanting her to be away from me never faded and opportunity like this wouldn't go to a waste. I would hurt her where it hurt the most. I could make her feel unwanted and make her feel my superiority.

There was only one flaw to my plan: He wanted her and not me. I can still feel the anger. But he was just like any other boy; easy to misdirect, easily distracted. Bat an eyelash, nudge their leg under the table, it was so easy. I had an advantage. Boys were so hormonal and easily aroused, not to mention curious. I knew seducing was wrong, but I had to have this!

And I was successful. I stole him away from her. He was mine, and not hers. I still feel giddy at this thought. Then I would wait. I would wait for her to lash out at me, to call me along the names of "bitch" or "whore". She never did. Why wouldn't she accuse me? Of course. Because she thought I was _better_ than her. Ridiculous.

Yet I still waited for the accusations, the anger and hatred. But she just took it. She endured it like a good little girl. Fortunately, I could see what I was doing to her. I saw how her emerald eyes would tear up and the way her lips quivered. She was hurting, but she wasn't showing. I didn't care.

But there were times where I felt guilty, times where I wanted to apologize.

Ha! I still laugh at this thought. It was so easy to dismiss the guilt.

Despite my thievery, she still looked at me with adoring eyes. What was wrong with her? My patience was about all used up. She just wouldn't let go! I even recall admitting that I was better than her in every way, but we all know how much of a lie that was.

When we started middle school together, it was everything that I could have dreamed of. All the boys' eyes were on me and all the girls taunts were directed at Sakura. Petty feelings, I know, but I felt good about myself. And I'm sure that Sakura didn't realize that their attention was only directed on me because I provoked it. Openly being flirtatious increased the males' attention towards me. The things puberty can do to a person.

But it could only last for so long. The infatuation soon faded and all eyes would redirect back to her again, and again she didn't see this. She didn't see how boys would blush when she smiled, or when girls would stare after her with envy. She was just too modest, even for her own good, but luckily for me, her modesty would soon cost her.

And then we entered high school.

One moment she was brooding to herself, and then the next she was smiling so brightly it almost blinded the darkness in my heart. I was somewhat glad. Even when I had negative thoughts towards her, I still liked her smile. Her pain didn't bother me only if it was shone through her eyes. It was easy to avoid looking at her.

One day she asked me an odd question. "Do you believe angels exist?" she had asked with dreamy eyes.

I had told her with reluctance "yes"- I didn't say that there was one standing right in front of me- and the question left me puzzled.

It was obvious that she held no ill-feelings for the world that treated her so wrongly, yet I knew she was wishful. She wanted a better life, wanted to find a reason to blame someone for her misfortune.

And of course, her nature prevented her from doing so. But what made her so hopeful?

Days past and her new found attitude never seemed to fade. She never told me why. I began watching her with careful eyes until I saw the reason why she seemed too out of this world.

It was because of _him. _Uchiha Sasuke. Adonis, himself in human form. I had heard of his arrival to our school awhile back, but I didn't think much of it. Sure, he was absolutely gorgeous and every girl wanted him… oh who am I kidding. I wanted him just as much as I wanted to be better than Sakura, but I could restrain myself. Priorities first.

That is, until I started to notice how he would stare at Sakura with eyes full of… adoration. My long known jealousy stirred when I discovered this. That was how I wanted to be looked at. That was my fairy tale.

And from that moment I knew what I needed to do. He needed to be mine, but I needed to be patient. If I was going to make him fall for me, I needed to wait for him to get over his little crush on Sakura.

For a moment I feared that Sakura would finally see what she was worth and she would accept him as her own, but I was glad when I was proven wrong. She never noticed the way Sasuke would stare after her, how his eyes would take in her every movement. And from what I could tell, he was too egoistic to give into his emotions. He wouldn't ask her to be his girlfriend unless he knew that she felt the same.

I had confidence that nothing would progress between the two of them, but I couldn't help but take precautions. I questioned Sakura about her friendship with Sasuke and accused her of being a horrible friend. I acted with mock at her implication that it wouldn't bother me. And being in her nature to be so willingly repentant, she eagerly asked if I wanted to spend time with her and Sasuke (along with some other blond kid that I didn't take much thought into). I was "happy" to forgive her and take her up on her offer.

And my plan commenced. Now remember, I had only liked him, for his handsome appearance, his so-mighty demeanor. Then I spoke to him for the first time. It was like a match made in heaven, although one-sided. He still stared at Sakura wistfully. If I was as petty as a child I would have stomped my foot and thrown a tantrum, but Sakura's ignorance kept me happy.

Itt wasn't enough, though. He wouldn't look at _me. _Only her, always her. I had tried my previous methods of catching the opposite sex's eyes. He didn't even give me so much as a glance my way. But I didn't give up. It was like a ridiculous game of tug-of-war. She kept being so innocent and I kept trying to pull Sasuke my way. It was infuriating.

And then something shifted because Sasuke started to look at _me_. He started acknowledging me.

But that didn't mean that I missed the empty look in his eyes. He stopped staring at Sakura with puppy eyes, only with eyes of someone who had lost something. I easily disregarded his feelings and went in for the kill and this time I had a secret weapon.

I finally realized one of the reasons that caused everyone to be so attracted to her: Her innocence. Her divine, unrelenting innocence. I bet she could have created world peace. Like people say, "You get more bees with honey." So I started swarming.

I also realized that I am one hell of an actress. Acting and lying seemed second nature to me. No surprise.

I started mimicking Sakura's sweetness and I could almost see the wheels turning in Sasuke's head. If he can't have Sakura then why not someone who could almost compare to her? (Hardly) I always despised being second best, but this time it didn't bother me. I got what I wanted so I happily embraced this silver medal.

Sasuke was struggling. It was obvious, but only to me. He wanted so much to forget about the way he felt for her. I could see it in his eyes every time she seemed to look towards another guy that wasn't him. The longing in his eyes was so obvious that I almost wanted to hit him in the back of the head and yell _"open your damn eyes! She loves you too!". _

Pain is addicting. Of course, not pain that is inflicted on me. No, never. But watching someone else's eyes darken in sadness with unrequited love was just so… enjoyable. It was almost pleasurable. I am a pretty sick person, aren't I?

Since their pain was just so enchanting, I would sometimes strive to ignite their pain further. I would occasionally direct Sasuke's attention towards Sakura. I would _make_ him look at her. I would make him look at what could have been, what he could have had. I made him look at all the reasons why he was _in love _with her (Yes, he was in love with her. I admit it now). I remember one distinct time that made him crumble before my eyes. It was just so… fun.

"Ne, Sasuke, doesn't Sakura-chan look pretty today?" I had asked him while urging him to look at said girl.

The sound of her name was enough to gain his undivided attention. Beautiful onyx eyes rose quickly in search of his beloved. Now, all I had to do was sit back and enjoy the show. First he would stare, then his eyes would darken further. His fist would clench and there would be a break of rhythm in his breathing.

"Hn," was all he would say, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted to say so much more. His eyes screamed out _"Yes. She's beautiful. She's perfect. I love her_. And when he wasn't watching me (always, _always _watching her) I would look away and smile.

This little one sided relationship should have probably made me angry. Angry that he wasn't devoted to me even though he was with me, and only to her. But she didn't have him so it made up for everything. Not to mention it was just so delightful.

My wait was almost over. Sasuke grew distant from Sakura, but not in the way she would take immediate notice. He tried to avoid her smile sometimes (because her smile had the ability to mend hearts _or break them)_, but sometimes he would slip and I would watch as he got lost in her smile, in her cheerful personality. And then he asked me to be his girlfriend. My natural reaction should have been along the lines of being the squealing girl, but more than anything I felt triumphant. He was mine even though he would never love me. The love he had for Sakura ran deeper than anything else I've seen. They were a match made in heaven. I was just the one who was going to pull them under.

When Sakura discovered of our relationship, it was when it finally hit her. Sasuke didn't want her (not that I was ever going to tell her the truth). I could see the searing, crippling pain that overwhelmed her and I would get high off of it. I grin cheekily at this.

It was then when I would hear it. The ignorance I possessed as a little girl. The voice of a child. She screamed to me that this was all wrong, but I was so doped up I couldn't hear past a murmur. Call me insane. I think I am.

There were times at night when I would curl up into a ball and cry into the darkness. I would hate myself for everything I did for everything that I was. The both of them didn't deserve this. They deserved each other more than anything else in the world. I was tearing apart two people beyond repair, but like I said: It's like a disease and it's addicting. No, it wasn't a disease. A disease can be cured by antibodies of sorts. It was a virus that slowly crept around destroying small parts of you, multiplying, festering deep in your heart. There was no cure. I, too, was broken beyond repair.

And then the sun would break through the darkness and it would be as if my revelation, my guilt would melt away, only for my personal high to return, excited for more.

We grew up, graduated, and went to college.

No matter how much time passed, the feeling of ecstasy never faded. My relationship with Sasuke remained. Being around him all the time allowed me to never miss amount of his pain, his longing for Sakura to love him in return. How he wished and begged. Yes, he would beg, but he didn't know that I knew. It was only in the darkness of the night after we would have sex (it was never love-making. It could never be love. I knew this already) and it was when he was fast asleep where all bets were off. My craving for his pain would subside and his longing for Sakura would seem unapparent… until he would start talking in his sleep.

Of course he never knew he spoke in his sleep. This was the only time I allowed myself to wish that he was with her, to see his happiness. The way he whispered her name, full of want, no, _need_ for her.

"Sakura… please."

It almost broke my heart. Almost.

Sometimes he would wake up in a cold sweat, his breathing irregular. I would look over my shoulder (I always slept with my back to him). I never bothered to ask if he was okay. I knew he wasn't. I would watch as his eyes would dart around the room, how he would dig the heel of his hand into his eyes. My favorite part was when would finally realize that he wasn't alone. He would look down at me and in the darkness of our room, he would see pink and not red. His mind, still clouded in sleep, wouldn't be able to process what was really in front of him. Half delusional, he would smile, his eyes brightening with happiness and he would whisper, "Sakura, you're here."

Words never left my mouth, I let him have this moment because in the morning it would hurt him all the more to realize that Sakura still wasn't his.

Sasuke would then touch me with loving hands and curl himself around me. "Sakura, I love you. Do you love me?"

Sometimes I wouldn't answer, other times I would say yes. Then his strong arms would tighten around me and he would fall back to sleep a smile lingering on his lips.

In the morning, the smile would be gone.

Then we were to be married. In truth, I wasn't sure if I wanted this. It was obvious that all he would be was a husband (maybe a father?) and all I would be was a trophy wife. Just to stand there and look pretty (It seemed really appealing actually). But I still wished for my fairy tale.

Sasuke had long been an empty shell. He just went with anything I would say. Even as far as to hand Sakura an invitation in person. Then and only then would he become alive. His pain would return. Ah, yes. It always came back like a loyal puppy… just like how Sakura used to.

It wasn't until then did I realize that I got what I truly sought out, years ago. I originally wanted to be rid of Sakura so I wouldn't have to be compared to her. I got so much more than I deserved. I was rid of her and I got myself addicted to something as sick as pain. I couldn't seem to remember a time when I didn't want to inflict emotional pain on her. I was truly a sick person.

And before I realized, I was truly rid of Sakura. She would never be around anymore. She was gone. She had killed herself. Now, the one thing I knew most was that I would never, _ever_, inflict physical pain on her (maybe it's because it's not as fun). I finally felt true pain when I discovered this. I had pushed her to her limit. I never imagined her even having a limit. Apparently she did.

And when her limit was up so was Sasuke's. He soon followed after.

And I grieved. I truly, mournfully, grieved, but not for what many would think.

People thought I was heartbroken at the loss of a best friend. They believed that I was devastated that I never got the chance to marry the love of my life.

But that wasn't why I grieved.

Yes, I was the cause of their deaths, but I was finally sober. I could finally feel and see the after-effects of my actions now that I was no longer drugged up, and this time I was out of my fix. There was no more and they were gone. I'm sure by now they've found each other and I'm sure as hell positive that they've learned of my past actions. Maybe they'll hate me. They should. I know Sasuke would hate me, but Sakura… not so much. She's just so… Sakura.

So as I stand here, dressed in black, standing before your closed caskets I wonder. I wonder what would have happened if I was selfless. Would I have let my petty desires go? Would I have let you two be joined on earth as you are in heaven? I'm not quite sure. That's how deep I am in myself.

Just like a… virus, it never goes away until it destroys everything you have left to offer, and even then it still takes away from you.

Then I realize, my entire being was a virus, a virus to the both of you. I could only take, and take, and take, but never give.

Now we all know one of the most commonly asked questions is: Why do bad things happen to good people?

I know the answer to this. It's because people like me aren't afraid to take what we want.

End of Story. The End. My happily ever after.

Sike!

Life is just so funny!

* * *

A/N: So this is the conclusion of this three-shot. I hope you guys enjoyed it.

I think I write insane pretty well. I really don't hate Karin. I think we all mostly hate her because of how other people write her. After FINALLY catching up with the Shippuden canon, I finally understand her character more. Yeah she's pretty immature, but it's like an on/off switch. It comes and goes. I really like how insightful she can be on the battlefield (even though she can't do crap haha).

The point is: I wanted to approach her character and build her up in a way that it doesn't seem surprising that she drove herself crazy.

Reviews are greatly appreciated!


End file.
